Dreaming if the silver tree again

I can almost see it. ..

My Luna and my Harley

I miss you. Lady, Lucky, Tutti, Tattu.... I miss you all.  Will you all meet me in this place where nothing is real? I've been made a fool once again.. But I will stand tall,  with my head held high.  I told him so he would get closer to me but he pulled away more.  Better now than later. The dots connected too many of them... Slowly, than more rapidly ... My heart is breaking because whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong it doesn't matter... I'm here with my heart breaking.   As he pulls away I connect more dots... No easy way to get through this .... this too shall pass...

I Feel The Need

I feel the need to find refugee once again into this world where nothing is real.  I know what that means. 

In This Dream

In this dream I am surrounded by such beautiful colors.  The flowers, the birds, the trees, what beauty indeed.  I can breathe so easily.  I breathe deeply with no fear.  I breathe deeply with such joy as my heart feels the strength and my spirits feels the peace as my soul continues to heal as I become whole.  I will be whole.  I breathe deeply as I feel my oneness get stronger.  For there are places where becoming one with the universe is what is to be, so some say.  But here in this world, my world. In this place where nothing is real being one, being strong with oneself, is in reality the road and path to a sweetness full of harmony.  What wonderful times this will be.

What A Beautiful World

What a beautiful moment in this where I see the flowers in the meadows and butterflies nearby.  I sit under my tree with blue lights.  This my friend, this is home.  At last, this is home even if only in this place where nothing is real.  They say home is where your heart is... where is your heart?  Find your heart and you will find yourself home.  Quite simple you see.

Metal Tree

There is a metal, silver tree in the distance.  It has blue lights and I can see them from the distance.  I see them.. so soft, yet bright.  The branches swaying with the wind yet they are strong and vibrant.  I will sit under that tree.  For this is my world, even though it is a place where nothing is real, what I say goes. 

There is a shallow pool

There is a shallow pool. What beauty I see.  It is filled flowers of jasmine, lavender, and roses for me.  How lovely the sweet scents as I dip in the pool. The water is warm and covers me just right as I float in petals and close my eyes for the night.  Carries me into the night as my dreams fill my heart and soul starts to fly.  For we are almost there as my spirit delights.

The Colors I See

The colors I see such beauty and peace as the waters start to reside.  Soon there will a beach for me.  I see it.  How lovely the sun above and the sand between my toes. 

Here I Stand

Here I stand in the middle of the deepest part of the sea.  I love the currents and I love the gentleness of the waves.  I let my feet go as I lay and I start to drift up and I know what is above.  My heart, spirit, and soul is grateful.  Thank you Lord.

Little Did I Know

Little did I know but I followed my heart and created an ocean in this place where nothing is real.  The currents took me here and there and in the gentleness tossed me to and fro.  Yesterday I came across words that released chains and the lightness that has come is quite lifting and has left my heart floating from the inside.  An undescribeable feeling that I know I must explore more.  By connecting the cords that were pulled apart and frayed are now unconnecting quite gently and tenderly and unraveling so.  Not by my hand but either way it is so. 

I am protected in the waters of my ocean that hold and comfort me as they once did when I was a little girl who was extremely frightened, lost, and alone. 

Here in this ocean the gentle tears mix with the ocean, hide in the current, and find their freedom in the waves that go.  Are they tears of sadness or are they tears of joy?  That is between me, my heart, my spirit, and my soul.  The ocean, my truest friend will never betray me and keep my secret as I find myself finding my path to once again be whole.

Creating An Ocean

Creating an ocean around me - surrounding myself in water.  Oh waters how I long for thee.  Hold me, heal me, love me, and shelter me for I find my strength in the raging waters of a glorious storm.  Oh glorious storm you have been so calm but we both know the true secret and that there is such sweet divine silence and peacefulness right in the middle of the storm.  I love the movement of waters as the motions carry me so.  This world, this place where nothing is real is now my ocean as I plunge into the darkness of the deepest waters blue.  I feel the water around me as it carries me so.  This current is fast, strong, and yet it carries me so gently as it caresses me so.  I'm in place of of healing, in the middle of the ocean, between the darkness and lightness, right by the stillness and the pulse of my heart beating so.  I wonder and I wonder. As I feel spirit healing and the strength building in my soul.  Water carry me, water take me away, water how soothing you are as you toss ans turn me and yet there is a purpose and a pattern within each and every turn. 

Two Steps Forward

Two steps forward and finally only step back.  What a lovely dance as I get all my energy back.  I called to parts of me long ago in the middle of this valley where the trees sway with pink flowers and grasses are purple.  How long ago this seems.. many moons and many stars have passed through above in the sky and all of a sudden I finally understand.  Parts of me lost and parts of me stolen are finding their way back to me.  My spirit and soul is becoming whole again with a strength from inside that charms my heart so.  I need to be, so once again I do a roll call... all of me, parts of me, find your way back to me, for I long to be whole.  I will and I am because I am and I will and so shall it be. 

This Place Will Soon

This place will soon be a reality.  For it is time.  The  time has passed and much has happened and some has stayed the same.  I see the tree with the blue lights dancing in the wind and my eyes are not even closed.  I see the table under the tree with it shapes and colors that are round and soft; they seem to twirl with the wind.  They could have been a part of it.  But it will only be a part of me.  This little world will be hidden in the midst of reality.  I finally realize the security that I seek does not come from being hidden but from being seen and being heard.  There will be those which will try to silent me and there will be those that will lift me on their shoulders so my words will carry farther.  What a lovely place, this place that is not hidden and we both know it never really was.  But yet it is a place where nothing is real.  How very lovely for me if in reality it is a place that is quite real.  It was always there and will always be.  That is the true secret and the true reality in this place where nothing is real. How very lovely and sweet, especially for me.

My Place .... My Reality

My place, my reality... in this place.  There is more than one place and more than one reality.  Whether you can get there that is on you and noone else but you.  In this reality of mine where nothing is real, it is my own.  You can build your own place of where nothing is real but it will never be the same as mine.

Putting The Pieces Together

The last couple of days I have wandered and enjoyed my time in the land of make believe.  The land of where nothing is real.  The pieces are coming together.  There is no bitterness, or hurt as the pieces are put together; it just is.

There is a peace that comes knowing you did what you could, the best that you could.  The strength that comes from understanding the fear that once engulfed me.  Acknowledging it and just accepting it and moving on.

In this land of make believe I realize what is and what is not.  The irony of reality and the reality of the not. 

The birds are singing and they are lovely.  Visions of them flying in circles as they spiral upwards and spread out to be free, to fly high, and to live.  Some birds stay together in a flock, others go their on way, each has the right to choose.  Either way it is their right way.

Soon winter will be coming. Yes, winter comes even in this land of make believe.  It is a part of life.  It is welcomed and longed for.  Each season has it's own unique beauty, it's unique voice, and unique charm. 

If you could listen to the season's what would their voices say to you?  Would listen and hear?  Would they whisper?  Would they shout? Or would they sing in tones that we have never heard before and mesmerize us and enchant us to the point of bubbly joy?

I yawn again even though the sun is out and turn around and make my pillow comfy as I drift again into the sleep as the fatigue wins once again and I once again in the middle and the safety of the land of make believe.

Come To The Light

The stars were out in the night sky.   The light breeze was scented with jasmine, vanilla, spearmint, and chamomille.  Flowers were swaying and lighting bugs were flying showing there softness in light pinks, soft blues, gentle greens, and everything in between.

I was laying in the center of the daisy's, careful not to disturb their stance in the ground.  They surrounded like a shield against the darkness and the shadows.

Tears that have not fallen, that are held within, glisten and sparkle with my inner light.  Kept in sacred spaces in my spirit and heart.  I asked the blue moon, " Dear friend, I asked for him to come to the light. He decided to continue to stay in the shadows.  I do not have the strength to ask again."

"In my heart I went to the river by the rock and I still found myself, alone but not alone."

"My sweet darling, how did that make you feel?", the blue moon asked.

"Like a fool, again, and yet I am suppose to forget to be blue."

We both laughed and said our goodnights. I closed my eyes as I fell asleep as the scents of jasmine, vanilla, chamomille, and spearmint came again to say hello.  I drifted of to sleep as I felt safe and secure in the land of where nothing is real.

I Ask Without Judgement

I ask without judgement, without anger and with gentleness and kindness, "Who told you to tell me your cats name was Mouse?"

I asked this March 18, 2012. I asked and yet again my heart was torn for the truth was not told.

I am sitting as I look and reread the conversation.  I take myself to the place of make believe.  I am resting in a field full of flowers under one of my pink willow trees.  The breeze is gently flowing as I see the swaying of the willow back and forth.

As I watch the swaying I picture a day from long ago, mesmerized by the silent beats of the sawing taking me back.  I am standing on the outside looking in.  Like a time portal, I can go backwards and see clearly, I can feel what I felt back then and at the same time I can feel what I feel today as I watch and listen.

I feel my heart being ripped to shreds, I am certain, there is no doubt.  Either he was there that day or someone told him.  I came forth and yet again I am lied to.

I stand up and get under my tree with the pink branches swaying as I twirl with my arms open wide and palms toward the sky. As I twirl I am transported to the sea, for this is my world, the land of make believe.

I jump into the ocean like if my world depended on it.  Once again I swim in the sea alone yet not alone.

The Dotted Line

I was resting under a willow in the land of make believe, it was sunset.  The sky was exploding with beautiful colors which filled my heart, spirit, and soul which such joy. 

To my surprise, the coyote came to me and, "my darling dear, do not sign the dotted line, unless you write the dots,".

I blinked and he was gone, I smiled. Unless I write the dots?

This crazy yet calm, stormy yet peaceful, energetic yet tranquil place of make believe, is a sanctuary, I place just for me.  For my heart, spirit, and soul to rest. I write the dots here. Somehow the coyote was able to scribe himself in.

Only friends are allowed in this place of make believe, I smile because, no one has ever had the will strong enough to enter these pages without my will.

This land of pink trees, beautiful, gentle hills, filled with forests full of willow trees which are home to many creatures, has only known my words, words written by my hand, and only my hand.

I never would have allowed the coyote here not by my hand, and yet he was here.

It is sprinkling, the type of sprinkle right before a storm ends. Yes, even in this place of make believe it can sprinkle.  What lovely sprinkles they are.

Acceptance of Oneself

Acceptance of oneself, and ones limitations can be the hardest. At least that is what I have found.

Ofcourse in the land of make believe, everything is just right, just how we are and our physical limitations are non-existence.

The sky this morning in make believe was pink, lavender, baby blues, and soft mints.  Such a wonderful and beautiful sky.

I am grateful.

Working With What You Have

Learning to work with what you have is a life lesson which transfer from the land of make believe to reality.  Or maybe it is the other way around.

We can only make choices with the information we have.  Sometimes we do not have all the information and we are aware of that.  Yet we still have no choice but to make decisions on what we do have.

Such is life; in the land of make believe and in reality.